With Words or Actions of Comfort:

• I can’t even imagine what you are going through!
• I just want you to feel better.
• I acknowledge all the pain and struggles you’ve been through.
• I love your fighting spirit.
• I care about you.
• You are very important to me.
• Hang in there.
• I love you very much.
• You inspire me in how you handle living with cancer.
• I’m proud of you and how you’ve handled yourself while living with cancer.
• I wish I could wave a magic wand and have your pain disappear.
• Can I give you a hug?
• From watching you live through your cancer sorrows and triumphs, it has taught me ________________________________. (fill in the blank)

Words of Regret

• I’m sorry you have to go through this.
• I miss the time we used to be able to spend together, but I understand that we can’t right now.
• I’m sorry I avoided you before. I felt so bad for you. I just didn’t know what to say or do.

Physical Support:

• Is there anything I can do to support you through this?
• Would you be open to me driving you to a cancer support group?
• Would you like me to rent your favorite comedy on DVD and come over to watch it with you with a big bowl of popcorn?
• Can I bring a casserole for your family tomorrow night so you don’t have to cook?
• Can I come over to visit with you tomorrow around two p.m. for twenty minutes?
• When visiting someone who is ill, tell him, “Please let me know when you start getting tired so I can leave before you are too fatigued.”
• Is there anything I can do to help support your significant other and your kids through this particularly difficult time?
• If you are feeling okay tomorrow, do you want to go out to lunch so we can talk?
• I want to support you in any way I can.  What areas of your life do you need help in? (grocery shopping, babysitting, errands, transportation to appointments, etc.)
• For the caregiver: I know since your family member has been back from the hospital, you have been overburdened with phone calls. If you are willing, I’d be happy to field the calls or send e-mail updates so it frees up your time to spend with your loved one.

Talking Points:

• What brings you the greatest joy in life? Is there anything that prevents you from experiencing this joy?
• Do you find your spirituality meaningful and fulfilling?
• Are your physical, emotional, and spiritual needs being met? If they aren’t, do you have a plan of how to get them met?
• Are there any changes you plan on making in your life since your cancer diagnosis to bring you greater joy, peace, and love?
• Do you fear death? (You need to evaluate this question to see if it feels appropriate to ask of your loved one at any given time.)
• Ever since you’ve been diagnosed with cancer, it has prompted me to reevaluate my own life’s direction.
• Do you want to talk about what you are most afraid of?
• How are you feeling today?